I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
