It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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