white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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