i wish my penis had a tongue
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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