quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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