K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
