you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
