i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
