yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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