I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
