maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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