Your mouth is God's brothel.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
