That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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