dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
