I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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