just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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