Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
