I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
