just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
