clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
