i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
