im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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