I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
