If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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