I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
