I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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