apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
