so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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