I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
