Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
