I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
