She's JV to your varsity
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
