Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
