sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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