Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
