he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
