Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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