can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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