I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
