I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
