Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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