Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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