We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
