if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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