I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You are a genius and a whore.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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