new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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