she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
