Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
