I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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