Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
