i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
