how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
