while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
