She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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