Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
