I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
