Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
