I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
