A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
