I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
