UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
