What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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