i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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