What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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