im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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