Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
BRING THE BAGELS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
