this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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