I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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