I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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