You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
